Masturbation

Masturbation is the self-stimulation of the genitals to achieve sexual arousal and pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm (sexual climax). It is commonly done by touching, stroking or massaging the penis or clitoris until an orgasm is achieved. Some women also use stimulation of the vagina to masturbate or use "sex toys," such as a vibrator.

Who Masturbates?

Just about everybody. Masturbation is a very common behavior, even among people who have sexual relations with a partner. In one national study, 95% of males and 89% of females reported that they have masturbated. Masturbation is the first sexual act experienced by most males and females. In young children, masturbation is a normal part of the growing child's exploration of his or her body. Most people continue to masturbate in adulthood, and many do so throughout their lives.

Why Do People Masturbate?


In addition to feeling good, masturbation is a good way of relieving the sexual tension that can build up over time, especially for people without partners or whose partners are not willing or available for sex. Masturbation also is a safe sexual alternative for people who wish to avoid pregnancy and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. It also is necessary when a man must give a semen sample for infertility testing or for sperm donation. When sexual dysfunction is present in an adult, masturbation may be prescribed by a sex therapist to allow a person to experience an orgasm (often in women) or to delay its arrival (often in men).

How do people masturbate?


Most guys masturbate by rubbing their penis with their hand or hands, or by rubbing the penis against something, such as a pillow. Girls masturbate by rubbing the outside of their vagina, or by inserting something (such as a vibrator) into the vagina. However, there are a lot of variations on these methods. JackinWorld contains dozens of techniques for guys to try.

Why masturbate?


First and foremost, because it feels good, and second, because ejaculating semen reduces the sexual tension that builds up in adult men and especially teenagers. However, recent studies suggest that ejaculating regularly isn't just fun, it can actually help prevent a certain kind of cancer later in life.

Is Masturbation Normal?


While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable and safe. It is a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout life. Masturbation is only considered a problem when it inhibits sexual activity with a partner, is done in public, or causes significant distress to the person. It may cause distress if it is done compulsively and/or interferes with daily life and activities.

Is masturbation healthy?


Masturbation is a healthy and normal practice, like daydreaming or napping. Even masturbating several times each day is completely harmless. You may encounter people, books, or websites that say masturbation is bad or harmful; this is just plain incorrect. As any reputable medical doctor will tell you, old myths about masturbation affecting the eyesight, causing permanent fatigue or insanity, etc., have long been disproved. In fact, recent studies suggest that ejaculating regularly isn't just fun, it can actually help prevent a certain kind of cancer later in life.

Is Masturbation Harmful?


In general, the medical community considers masturbation to be a natural and harmless expression of sexuality for both men and women. It does not cause any physical injury or harm to the body, and can be performed in moderation throughout a person's lifetime as a part of normal sexual behavior. Some cultures and religions oppose the use of masturbation or even label it as sinful. This can lead to guilt or shame about the behavior. Some experts suggest that masturbation can actually improve sexual health and relationships. By exploring your own body through masturbation, you can determine what is erotically pleasing to you and can share this with your partner. Some partners use mutual masturbation to discover techniques for a more satisfying sexual relationship and to add to their mutual intimacy.

Can I masturbate too much?


Unless you're rubbing yourself raw (try lubrication) or you're doing it so much that it's interfering with other aspects of your life, no, it is not possible to masturbate too much. Some Web sites claim that there is such a thing as "overmasturbation," but they're only doing this to scare people into buying phony pills that do nothing. Masturbation does not cause hair loss, chronic fatigue, etc. Don't let one bad Web site ruin your enjoyment of this healthy activity.

Is my penis normal?


If you're asking this question, there's probably about a 98% chance that your penis is normal. Perfectly good penises come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, and teenagers' penises grow at very different rates. They are often curved somewhat, and the skin often has bumps and various colorations (which have nothing to do with STDs). Try not to obsess so much about your penis, and stop looking for things that might be wrong. It's there to create pleasure, not trouble and worry.

Can I make my penis bigger?

If you pay a plastic surgeon several thousand dollars, your penis can become fatter, but not really longer. And you know what? That's really the only method of penis enlargement that works. Everything else — particularly pills sold through magazines and the Internet — is a scam, aimed at malekind's #1 biggest insecurity. Some devices involving suction or vacuum can actually injure your penis. Instead of trying to change it, learn to accept your penis exactly the way it is. It's amazing how much incredible pleasure it can provide.

I can't reach orgasm! What can I do about this?

Some guys do have a lot of trouble reaching orgasm. Several possible reasons: (1) You may be giving up too soon. (2) You may have ejaculated too recently. Wait a day or two (or longer) and try again. (3) You may be too young still. Some guys don't develop the ability to reach orgasm and ejaculate until well into puberty. If you're an adult and have never been able to reach orgasm or ejaculate, seek an opinion from a professional such as a urologist.

When I reach orgasm, urine comes out instead of semen. What's happening?

This is actually a common experience in boys still going through the early stages of puberty. There is an internal mechanism that prevents urine from being expelled during ejaculation — but many guys are able to ejaculate before this mechanism fully matures. When this happens, a small amount of urine (rather than semen) may be expelled with orgasm. The condition will go away as you get older. If it's still happening by the time puberty is near completion, consult a physician.

My semen comes out clear, not thick and whitish. Am I sterile?

No, that's unlikely. Semen varies in color and texture, not only from person to person, but it can also vary over time. Particularly if you're still in the early stages of puberty, semen can be clear or watery, but it may still contain lots of viable sperm. Semen, whether clear or not, contains many other ingredients besides sperm cells.

What are these bumps or spots on my penis?

It's totally normal, and very common in teenagers, for there to be bumps, pimples, or different-colored spots on the penis. They might look a little gross, but there's nothing to be ashamed of and you can't really do anything about them. Bumps on the penis may be a form of acne or may occur where new hairs are starting to grow. We recommend not focusing so much on what may be wrong with your penis — most likely, everything about it is just fine. Instead, try to accept your penis as it is: an amazing part of your body that can provide you with huge amounts of pleasure for a lifetime.

What position do most guys masturbate in?

The most common is lying on the back. Other favorites are lying face down, standing up (such as in the shower), or kneeling.

I masturbate by lying on my stomach and rubbing against the bed — is that okay?
It's fine. that's just as valid as any other position.

I'd like to try to orally stimulate my own penis, but I can't quite reach it. How can I do that, and is it normal to want to try?

It's very common to want to do this. (There's an old joke that goes, "Why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can.") Actually doing it, though, is another question. Your penis has to be especially long (like over 8"), or you have to be especially limber, to succeed. Some guys are able to reach their penis by doing a backwards somersault and stopping in mid-roll. However, we must caution you to be careful when doing this. We heard from one fellow who wanted so badly to suck his own penis, he strained his back and had to be taken to the hospital — extremely embarrassing! Never perform any technique that makes you contort your body in an uncomfortable manner — you might be very sorry you did.

I'm unable to ejaculate by masturbating with my hand — I have to be rubbing against something. Should I worry about that?

No. It wouldn't hurt, though, to eventually learn to do it — that will open up options for sexual play with other people. We don't have any suggestions for this; just keep working at it (both literally and figuratively!).
Sponsored by: cildenafil citrate, viagra, cialis, provigra, prozac, tramadol, levitra, propecia

Your Guide to Masturbation

Your Guide to Masturbation

Masturbation is the self-stimulation of the genitals to achieve sexual arousal and pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm (sexual climax). It is commonly done by touching, stroking or massaging the penis or clitoris until an orgasm is achieved. Some women also use stimulation of the vagina to masturbate or use "sex toys," such as a vibrator.

Who Masturbates?

Just about everybody. Masturbation is a very common behavior, even among people who have sexual relations with a partner. In one national study, 95% of males and 89% of females reported that they have masturbated. Masturbation is the first sexual act experienced by most males and females. In young children, masturbation is a normal part of the growing child's exploration of his or her body. Most people continue to masturbate in adulthood, and many do so throughout their lives.

Why Do People Masturbate?

In addition to feeling good, masturbation is a good way of relieving the sexual tension that can build up over time, especially for people without partners or whose partners are not willing or available for sex. Masturbation also is a safe sexual alternative for people who wish to avoid pregnancy and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. It also is necessary when a man must give a semen sample for infertility testing or for sperm donation. When sexual dysfunction is present in an adult, masturbation may be prescribed by a sex therapist to allow a person to experience an orgasm (often in women) or to delay its arrival (often in men).

How do people masturbate?

Most guys masturbate by rubbing their penis with their hand or hands, or by rubbing the penis against something, such as a pillow. Girls masturbate by rubbing the outside of their vagina, or by inserting something (such as a vibrator) into the vagina. However, there are a lot of variations on these methods. JackinWorld contains dozens of techniques for guys to try.

Why masturbate?

First and foremost, because it feels good, and second, because ejaculating semen reduces the sexual tension that builds up in adult men and especially teenagers. However, recent studies suggest that ejaculating regularly isn't just fun, it can actually help prevent a certain kind of cancer later in life.

Is Masturbation Normal?

While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable and safe. It is a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout life. Masturbation is only considered a problem when it inhibits sexual activity with a partner, is done in public, or causes significant distress to the person. It may cause distress if it is done compulsively and/or interferes with daily life and activities.

Is masturbation healthy?

Masturbation is a healthy and normal practice, like daydreaming or napping. Even masturbating several times each day is completely harmless. You may encounter people, books, or websites that say masturbation is bad or harmful; this is just plain incorrect. As any reputable medical doctor will tell you, old myths about masturbation affecting the eyesight, causing permanent fatigue or insanity, etc., have long been disproved. In fact, recent studies suggest that ejaculating regularly isn't just fun, it can actually help prevent a certain kind of cancer later in life.

Is Masturbation Harmful?

In general, the medical community considers masturbation to be a natural and harmless expression of sexuality for both men and women. It does not cause any physical injury or harm to the body, and can be performed in moderation throughout a person's lifetime as a part of normal sexual behavior. Some cultures and religions oppose the use of masturbation or even label it as sinful. This can lead to guilt or shame about the behavior. Some experts suggest that masturbation can actually improve sexual health and relationships. By exploring your own body through masturbation, you can determine what is erotically pleasing to you and can share this with your partner. Some partners use mutual masturbation to discover techniques for a more satisfying sexual relationship and to add to their mutual intimacy.

Can I masturbate too much?

Unless you're rubbing yourself raw (try lubrication) or you're doing it so much that it's interfering with other aspects of your life, no, it is not possible to masturbate too much. Some Web sites claim that there is such a thing as "overmasturbation," but they're only doing this to scare people into buying phony pills that do nothing. Masturbation does not cause hair loss, chronic fatigue, etc. Don't let one bad Web site ruin your enjoyment of this healthy activity.

Is my penis normal?

If you're asking this question, there's probably about a 98% chance that your penis is normal. Perfectly good penises come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, and teenagers' penises grow at very different rates. They are often curved somewhat, and the skin often has bumps and various colorations (which have nothing to do with STDs). Try not to obsess so much about your penis, and stop looking for things that might be wrong. It's there to create pleasure, not trouble and worry.

Can I make my penis bigger?

If you pay a plastic surgeon several thousand dollars, your penis can become fatter, but not really longer. And you know what? That's really the only method of penis enlargement that works. Everything else — particularly pills sold through magazines and the Internet — is a scam, aimed at malekind's #1 biggest insecurity. Some devices involving suction or vacuum can actually injure your penis. Instead of trying to change it, learn to accept your penis exactly the way it is. It's amazing how much incredible pleasure it can provide.

I can't reach orgasm! What can I do about this?

Some guys do have a lot of trouble reaching orgasm. Several possible reasons: (1) You may be giving up too soon. (2) You may have ejaculated too recently. Wait a day or two (or longer) and try again. (3) You may be too young still. Some guys don't develop the ability to reach orgasm and ejaculate until well into puberty. If you're an adult and have never been able to reach orgasm or ejaculate, seek an opinion from a professional such as a urologist.

When I reach orgasm, urine comes out instead of semen. What's happening?

This is actually a common experience in boys still going through the early stages of puberty. There is an internal mechanism that prevents urine from being expelled during ejaculation — but many guys are able to ejaculate before this mechanism fully matures. When this happens, a small amount of urine (rather than semen) may be expelled with orgasm. The condition will go away as you get older. If it's still happening by the time puberty is near completion, consult a physician.

My semen comes out clear, not thick and whitish. Am I sterile?

No, that's unlikely. Semen varies in color and texture, not only from person to person, but it can also vary over time. Particularly if you're still in the early stages of puberty, semen can be clear or watery, but it may still contain lots of viable sperm. Semen, whether clear or not, contains many other ingredients besides sperm cells.

What are these bumps or spots on my penis?

It's totally normal, and very common in teenagers, for there to be bumps, pimples, or different-colored spots on the penis. They might look a little gross, but there's nothing to be ashamed of and you can't really do anything about them. Bumps on the penis may be a form of acne or may occur where new hairs are starting to grow. We recommend not focusing so much on what may be wrong with your penis — most likely, everything about it is just fine. Instead, try to accept your penis as it is: an amazing part of your body that can provide you with huge amounts of pleasure for a lifetime.

What position do most guys masturbate in?

The most common is lying on the back. Other favorites are lying face down, standing up (such as in the shower), or kneeling.

I masturbate by lying on my stomach and rubbing against the bed — is that okay?
It's fine. that's just as valid as any other position.

I'd like to try to orally stimulate my own penis, but I can't quite reach it. How can I do that, and is it normal to want to try?

It's very common to want to do this. (There's an old joke that goes, "Why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can.") Actually doing it, though, is another question. Your penis has to be especially long (like over 8"), or you have to be especially limber, to succeed. Some guys are able to reach their penis by doing a backwards somersault and stopping in mid-roll. However, we must caution you to be careful when doing this. We heard from one fellow who wanted so badly to suck his own penis, he strained his back and had to be taken to the hospital — extremely embarrassing! Never perform any technique that makes you contort your body in an uncomfortable manner — you might be very sorry you did.

I'm unable to ejaculate by masturbating with my hand — I have to be rubbing against something. Should I worry about that?

No. It wouldn't hurt, though, to eventually learn to do it — that will open up options for sexual play with other people. We don't have any suggestions for this; just keep working at it (both literally and figuratively!).

Sponsored by: cildenafil citrate, viagra, cialis, provigra, prozac, tramadol, levitra, propecia

Masturbation techniques?

Masturbation is the physical stimulation of the sexual organs to produce feelings of pleasure. If you're a male and your body has matured to a certain point, masturbating will eventually result in semen (fluid containing sperm cells, among other things) being expelled from the penis, usually accompanied by a very good whole-body feeling known as orgasm.

Positions or techniques?

Just about every successful masturbation session begins with getting an erection (ee-RECK-shun), commonly called a "hard-on," "boner," or "woody." An erection occurs when your penis fills with blood to the point that it becomes quite a bit larger and firm to the touch, usually sticking straight out from your body or angled upward as you stand. (If you're lying on your back, your erect penis might rest against your abdomen.) Getting an erection is usually as easy as thinking sexy thoughts and rubbing your penis. If you're going through puberty, or if you haven't ejaculated in a while, you may not have to do anything to get an erection — they can happen spontaneously, or without provocation. This is normal and just one of those puberty things everyone has to deal with.Once your penis has reached its full length and hardness, take a hold of it and rub it lengthwise at a consistent rate. This will mimic what it feels like to move your penis in and out of a woman's vagina, which is what happens during sexual intercourse.
Here are four basic "grips" you can try. They're really just starting points; it's important for you to try little variations on them, as this will allow you to choose techniques that feel best to you.

THE FIST
In this common technique, you simply wrap your fingers around the shaft of your penis like a baseball bat and rub it up and down. It provides lots of contact between your hand and penis — and more contact means more pleasure. This technique is especially good if you have a big penis; if it isn't much longer than your fist is wide, you won't be able to stroke it very far, so another grip might be more effective.

THE FIVE-FINGER
In this technique, your hand and arm form an angle with your penis, with four fingers on top of the shaft at a diagonal and your thumb below. This allows you to get more control over the hand-to-penis contact, and it lets you move your hand along the entire length of the shaft, even if your penis isn't very large.

THE THREE-FINGER

This one is good if you have a smaller penis. Simply hold the penis as you would a pen or a pencil. This grip allows maximum control and maximum distance of motion (from the base of the penis all the way to the head), but the hand-to-penis contact is less than with the other grips.

THE BACKHAND
This one — kind of a backwards version of the "fist" — is a little funny, but it feels very good. This time, grab your penis from the left side rather than the right (if you're right-handed). To do this, rotate your wrist so your thumb is pointing down; you may have to pull your penis slightly to the side. It's a little awkward at first, but it's an excellent grip to use when you just want to try something other than the "Fist" for a few minutes.

IS MASTURBATION ADDICTIVE?

Okay, so you've discovered this really nifty thing to do with the equipment between your legs, and it gives you some of the most intense feelings of pleasure you've ever felt. In fact, it's been so pleasurable you have begun to do it a lot — a whole lot. And now you might be wondering what you've gotten yourself into. You might have read somebody's comment about how addictive masturbation is. Or, you might have noticed how similar the desire to masturbate is to what you understand addiction to be. In short, you want to know if this practice is going to take control of your life and hurt you. Honestly, I think the answer is, "It depends" — one of those wishy-washy, yes-and-no, weasel answers. But it really does depend on a number of factors in your life, on how you experience masturbation, and what kinds of consequences masturbation has for you. To answer the question well, we need to review some knowledge about addiction.
First, consider the dictionary definition of the word. Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th Edition, gives two:1. The quality or state of being addicted [to an activity or thing] (such as, being "addicted to reading")2. Compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (such as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal.Broadly — persistent, compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.In the second definition the phrase, "characterized by tolerance," means that over time the body builds a resistance to a substance such as alcohol, so that increased amounts are needed to get what feels like the same effect. Let's see how these definitions apply to what you and I know about masturbation.The first definition seems to be a lighter, more general use of the word "addiction" — much as we might say, "I just love to read (or masturbate)." The second definition is heavier and gets more to the heart of the concern that masturbation could be addictive. My experience has been that masturbation feels so good it can feel quite compelling. Since I discovered it, my desire to masturbate persisted, even in the face of strong discouragement from my mother when I was a boy. During adolescence, I think I was obsessed with it. As I grew older, the practice took its place among other very satisfying interests in my life. From what I have read at JackinWorld, I think my growth into adulthood is similar to that of many other men.When I have masturbated frequently, it has taken longer to achieve subsequent orgasms, and their intensity has seemed to diminish. This seems like it might be "tolerance," except for the fact that when my masturbation frequency decreases, the old intensity returns. I have never believed masturbation to be harmful to me. At times, for one reason or another, I have gone a long time without masturbating; I don't remember having any strong physical signs of withdrawal during these times — but when I resumed, the intensity of the orgasm was both astonishing and highly satisfying.So, when I try to fit my experience of masturbation to the definition of addiction, it seems to fit only slightly. Yes, masturbation is compelling. However, I don't get strong physical reactions if I abstain, even though it feels really great when I resume. The intensity of feeling seems to lessen the more frequently I masturbate, but it comes right back if I decrease the frequency. This doesn't sound as though my body is building a tolerance to masturbation the way it might to alcohol, nicotine, or heroin. By now I'm ready to say I don't think I can become addicted to masturbation — but I can become obsessed with it, just as I could become obsessed with many other kinds of behavior. Obsessive behavior is characterized by excessive repetition of some act. [Editor's Note: The repeated up-and-down movement of the hand isn't necessarily the "repetition of some act"!]Next, let's look at some other ideas that seem to apply both to obsession and addiction. Substances and behaviors can be addictive/obsessive to some people and not to others. And there are degrees of addiction/obsession.Take alcohol as an example. You may know people who drink responsibly. They can control their drinking so they always drink at appropriate times and places, and moderately so they don't become drunk and lose control of themselves inappropriately. You might know others who occasionally get drunk and lose control, even though most of the time they drink responsibly. And you might know a few unfortunate people who are addicted to alcohol. They are drunk more than they are sober, can't drive or hold a job, and have alienated their families because they cannot control their alcohol consumption. Alcohol is also destroying their bodies, and they are likely to die young because it attacks the liver and other organs.The physical and psychological dynamics of addiction are at least partially understood, but we still don't understand completely why some people can control their use of a substance such as alcohol, where others have no control at all. There is much obsessive-compulsive behavior connected with addiction. You might have heard of Alcoholics Anonymous, the highly successful program that helps people deal with their alcohol addiction. Much of that program deals with controlling obsessive-compulsive behavior. So it is possible that if you have the genetic predisposition, and if early childhood experiences contributed to it, you could become obsessed with masturbation to the extent that it harms you. But I think the chance is slight.Some people ask counselors or newspaper advice columnists if they are "addicted" to alcohol, drugs, sex, or whatever concerns them because they do a lot of it. And some people have written to JackinWorld to say they are worried about being addicted to masturbation because they do it so much. I think often they are referring to an obsession rather than addiction.Whether obsession or addiction, one way you can answer questions like these is to see if you can stop for a while without suffering major physical symptoms, such as getting the shakes or becoming ill. (Humping the davenport, doorknob, or barbecue grill does not count! Nor does running around going berserk. Yes, it's stressful, but we're talking major physical symptoms here.)Another way to answer questions such as these is to ask yourself to assess negative consequences. If you have been fired from your last three jobs because you missed work too much due to being hung over, you were arrested last week for drunk driving, and your wife just filed for divorce because last night you fell asleep on the front sidewalk and the neighbors complained, these are all strong suggestions that you are addicted to alcohol. If you were suspended from school yesterday for excessive tardiness (because you stayed home masturbating in the morning before going to school), or your parents had to come to the police station to pick you up because you were caught masturbating in a downtown park at noon, or you spurn sex with your partner because you prefer to masturbate exclusively, you are probably obsessed with masturbation.Most of us, however, can control our behavior so that it is appropriate. We masturbate in private — in bed at night, when we are home alone, or in a toilet stall or bathroom behind a locked door. In such cases, I can't see masturbation as an addiction or obsession — compelling, perhaps, but not an immobilizing addiction or obsession. Even if you do it a lot — a whole lot — it still is not an addiction or obsession unless you find it having some major, harmful consequences in your life.If you do find that masturbation is hurting you and you want to stop (or just cut down), you need to seek professional help near where you live. One way to find this kind of help is to call a local crisis hotline. These community services are listed in the blue pages of your telephone directory, along with government agencies and offices. They can refer you to an agency that can help you.Masturbation plays a big role in a normal sex life. Some of us discover it as children because it starts to feel so good between our legs. Others are shown by our friends. We continue to masturbate because it feels so good. It gets us ready for mature sexual relationships when we reach adulthood, and it helps us take care of those raging hormonal urges and surges when we are teenagers. Masturbation can enhance mature sexual relationships where two partners use it either as a prelude to other sexual activity, or as the main fare. And it keeps us going when relationships falter, such as when a partner is ill or away. It is a great equalizer in a relationship where one partner needs more sexual activity than the other. All of these uses of masturbation were reported by mature JackinWorld readers in response to the Adult Masturbation Survey undertaken last year. So stroke on in the comfort and joy of knowing that you probably are not addicted to or obsessed with masturbation, no matter how compelling it may be to you or how often you do it. And now you have some guidelines to help assess whether you are developing an obsession, and if so, what you can do about it.

Sponsored by: cildenafil citrate, viagra, cialis, provigra, prozac, tramadol, levitra, propecia

Masturbation

Masturbation means producing sexual arousal (and often orgasm as well) by manual stimulation of the genitals. Generally, the word indicates self-stimulation, but it is worth noting that in 2005 some sexologists use the expression to indicate pleasuring of another person by hand, in phrases such as ‘the husband can masturbate the wife to help her achieve a climax'. However, in this article we shall deal only with self-stimulation.This is the form of sexual behaviour that most of us learn first – quite instinctively. And, until recently, it was probably the type of sex least talked about. In fact, in the early part of the last century masturbation was widely considered to be a sin - and something to be avoided at all costs. Gradually society became more tolerant of it as an activity, but it still had shameful connotations and was generally seen as a bit sad. Even in 2005, there are loads of bad jokes or disparaging remarks featuring the word 'wanker', which is of course a slang word for masturbator.Till far into the 20th century, there were many doctors, educators and youth leaders who strongly disapproved of masturbation, and who wrote books which claimed that it had terrible health consequences – like insanity! This was all nonsense. But until around the 1960s, there were doctors and pundits who advised people to avoid masturbation. They suggested that it was immature or undesirable and that if someone got fixated on it, they might not learn more 'grown up' responses.Nowadays, experts have a completely different view of masturbation - and a very much more positive one. One of the reasons for this is the big change in people's lifestyles.In this 21st century, most of us can expect to have a much more changeable and flexible life than our grandparents did. We will live longer and we'll almost certainly have far more sexual and co-habiting relationships.But between these relationships we will find ourselves returning to single status. During these single periods, we'll most probably continue to have normal sex drives - and the most obvious form of sexual relief and satisfaction available to us at those times will be masturbation.So masturbation needs to be seen in this modern context, and viewed as an activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable, normal - and very safe. In fact, masturbation is the safest form of sex there is, and very much safer - and often more satisfying - than one-night stands.The only time masturbation is not safe is on those rare occasions when young men decide to experiment by masturbating with potentially harmful objects - such as a vacuum cleaner! This is extremely dangerous, and definitely not to be recommended.Men and masturbationThe vast majority of men masturbate - even if they're in a long-term and happy sexual relationship.Masturbation comes pretty naturally to most guys. Let's face it; a male child discovers that his penis feels good before he can talk! So it's not surprising that boys fondle this area of their bodies a lot, and then, at the age of around 14, discover that masturbation can lead to orgasm and ejaculation - all of which they find extremely exciting and pleasurable.There are some men who don't masturbate, but these are mainly people who don't want to do it because of religious reasons, or because they're a bit uptight about sex. Also, some guys who have a fairly low sex drive don't masturbate.Some men - mostly from eastern cultures - try to avoid masturbating, as they believe it depletes their energy, and may shorten their lives. But there is no truth whatsoever in this belief.Most men masturbate by rubbing the penis with their ‘dominant’ hand - slowly at first and then more vigorously. Many guys grasp the shaft of their penis by wrapping their whole hand round it. Others grasp it between their thumb and first or middle finger. But however they do it, they don't usually have much doubt that they'll achieve orgasm as a result. This is quite a contrast to women, who may experience considerable anxiety about whether they will actually 'make it'.Some young men worry that they masturbate too much. The fact is that it's almost impossible to do this. Obviously, if a young guy is staying home and masturbating on the hour every hour, one might want to try to persuade him to get out more! But when a teenager first discovers sex it's quite common for him to want to masturbate several times a day, on some days. And this certainly won't do him any harm. ( However, masturbating constantly over a period of hours can produces some swelling or ‘puffiness’ of this penis. This is called ‘oedema’ and is due to fluid leaking into the tissues; it will disappear after some hours, as the fluid goes back into the bloodstream.) Other boys will masturbate quite rarely, especially if they don’t have a high sex drive - but that is normal for them.Some men in their 70s and 80s are still masturbating several times a week, but in general terms, men masturbate most in their teens and gradually do it less and less as their life progresses - depending partly on whether or not they have a partner at the time.As we have already indicated, many men still like to masturbate even when they are involved with a partner. They often feel that the orgasm they achieve through masturbation is less complex and more locally intense than climaxes achieved through sexual intercourse. Furthermore, they can control the pressure and speed of movement very accurately.In recent years, we have encountered a number of couples who achieve considerable satisfaction through the woman watching the man masturbate in front of her (or vice versa). Also, this practice is certainly helpful when – for some medical reason – intercourse is difficult or impossible. Masturbation and pornographyAt some point in their lives, almost all men will masturbate while looking at newspaper pin-ups, top-shelf magazines, or sexy videos.For a single guy, this is seen as a pretty normal activity nowadays. Some single men do worry that they might get fixated on porn, but the majority of them have no trouble in transferring most of their sexual focus to a real, warm, sexy female when they meet one.Masturbation using porn is more of an issue when a guy who is in a committed relationship. Some of these men worry that what they're doing is wrong - even if they don't want to stop. And of course many female partners have a problem with this sort of activity and can feel bitterly rejected and threatened by it.However, most men who are in relationships are able to compartmentalise this kind of sexual behaviour. They may only do it occasionally, and they feel it has no bearing whatsoever on their love and desire for their partners.But - and this is important - this kind of sexual indulgence ceases to be normal when a man actually prefers it to having sex with his partner. When this happens, the relationship is usually in some trouble. Today, it is increasingly common for Internet porn to create that kind of relationship problem (see below).In such cases it's not uncommon for men to use porn more and more for relief, rather than face up to sorting out sexual or relationship difficulties. This kind of avoidance behaviour almost invariably worsens an already problematic situation.If a man wants to save his relationship, but feels increasingly dependent on pornography, then he should seek help. (See Further information for more details.)Masturbation and the InternetSince round about the beginning of the 21st century, more and more men have been masturbating while using the Internet. When this involves viewing the sort of pornographic images you can also get on video, then the situation is much the same as it is when the guy uses magazines or blue movies – in other words, he’s not getting involved with anybody else.However, when the activity involves masturbating to orgasm while 'talking' by use of the keyboard with another person, then this cannot honestly be judged as a solo activity, or as simple masturbation. In fact, it can be seen as an act of infidelity - if the man in question is married or committed to a serious sexual relationship.Male masturbation and its use in helping sex problemsTwo of the common sex problems that men experience can be helped to some extent by masturbating.Premature ejaculation (PE), which is the condition where the man ejaculates too quickly when he has sex with a partner, is an enormously common problem.PE usually needs some sort of specialist help, but some men are able to help themselves to some degree by gaining more control over their climaxes while masturbating.What such a man should do to is to practise beginning to masturbate and allowing himself to get almost to the point of no return, but then stopping and calming down a bit, before carrying on. If a guy can do this several times before giving in and having a climax, it might well help him to develop the necessary control he's been lacking to delay his climax during intercourse - especially if he practises this stop-start technique on a regular basis.The other male sex problem that can be helped to some extent by masturbation is 'delayed ejaculation', 'ejaculatory incompetence', or as it's also called, 'retarded ejaculation'.When men have this particular problem they can maintain an erection for a long time during sex, but they can't relax enough to let go and climax inside their partner. Many such men are quite uptight about sex. And if they can learn to masturbate with their partner, this can help them a great deal. Again this is a problem that needs specialist help. But if a man can first of all learn to masturbate in the next room to his partner and then after a week or so manage to do it the same room, they will both feel he is making progress.Eventually he should be able to masturbate right beside her, and in time masturbate so close to her that he can place his penis into her vagina at the crucial moment.Women and masturbationTeenage girls do not tend to masturbate as automatically as boys do. Of course plenty of girls do discover that they get pleasant feelings from their genitals at quite an early age. And many of these girls do discover how to masturbate to orgasm in their mid to late teens.But many girls and young women simply do not feel many strong sexual urges. Indeed it is quite common for a woman not to reach orgasm until she is about 19 years of age. And there are plenty of females who don't reach one for years after that - either through sex with a partner, or by masturbating.When we wrote our book The Big 'O', our research showed that a few women did not learn to achieve orgasm until their 40s - but when they did, they were very pleased about it, and quickly made up for lost time! So it's never too late to learn.But why is there this discrepancy between male and female orgasmic ability? One reason seems to be that a woman's sex drive simply appears to take longer to develop than that of men. Of course a woman's orgasm is not essential in nature - that is to say a woman does not need to orgasm to conceive, whereas a man does have to climax to produce the all-important sperm.Another reason for women's slower development may be that their genitals are much more hidden away than the male genitals - and this in turn may be why women do not have the same emotional and mental focus on the vulva that men have on the penis.Methods of female masturbationThe average woman masturbates by stimulating her clitoris. She usually does this in little circular motions, either with her index or middle finger. Generally, women begin by touching themselves just above or below the clitoris, but as their excitement mounts they can tolerate more intense stimulation right on top of it.Some women find they like the feeling of 'bulk' created by having something in the vagina at the same time. This could be two or three fingers of her other hand, or some kind of object. One word of caution: it is best to use fingers, or a sex aid designed for the purpose. Women sometimes get into trouble if they use unwashed fruit, or other items that may introduce infection into the vagina. And they should definitely always avoid anything that is breakable, like glass - for obvious reasons.In recent years, there has been a bit of a vogue among some young women for using an electric toothbrush in the vagina. Pleasant though this may be, it could certainly cause damage to those delicate tissues and should be avoided.Whether or not anything is introduced into the vagina - and this certainly does increase the excitement in a lot of women - the vast majority of females need to keep stimulating their clitoris at the same time in order to have a climax.A few women are so highly sexed they can orgasm simply by rubbing their nipples - but this is just a tiny minority of highly-talented females! Other women discover that they can bring themselves to a climax through squeezing their thighs together. Again they are in the minority.Vast numbers of women nowadays enjoy using a vibrator some or all of the time. There are some truly amazing products around these days and the fair sex is becoming much less timid about trying them. When a vibrator is used, sometimes a woman will use it to stimulate her clitoris. At other times she will use it in her vagina. There is no right or wrong way of pursuing solo pleasure - and a woman should experiment to find what she likes best.Fortunately, it is now quite easy to purchase good sex aids from reputable companies. (See Further information for more details.) The use of female masturbation in achieving orgasmAs we have already mentioned, the female orgasm in not as reliable or as automatic as the male orgasm generally is. For that reason many women consult psychosexual specialists, family planning doctors and so on in the hope that they can be helped to achieve the elusive 'Big O'.Nowadays most experts agree that if a woman can reach orgasm through her own efforts, she can then learn to climax with a partner either during love play or intercourse. Learning to climax through masturbation gives a woman confidence and satisfaction - and also educates her about how she likes to be touched and stimulated. Once she knows these things, she can communicate them to a loving partner.Some females have a real problem in touching their genitals. This is usually because they had restrictive upbringings where they were taught that 'nice girls don't touch themselves there'. Or that 'sex is for beasts'. Or that 'sex is dirty'.However, if a woman is prepared to give time and effort to learning about her own body, she can often overcome these unhelpful beliefs.If you are a woman who has trouble in reaching orgasm - even through masturbation - you might like to follow the advice given below.How to achieve orgasm through masturbation - even if you've never managed it before
Allocate some time - at least an hour, twice a week - when you know you'll have the house to yourself and can guarantee being undisturbed. (Arranging this can be the hardest part of the exercise!)
Take a leisurely bath, using your favourite bath oil. Relax. Enjoy soaping your whole body. Give your breasts and your genitals plenty of attention.
Dry yourself with love and care and continue to explore your body as you do so.
Move to the bedroom. Make sure it's warm and that it looks nice and is a pleasant place to be. Put some favourite music on if you'd like. Lie on the bed and carry on touching yourself, anyhow and any place that you like. All sorts of parts of your body might give you pleasant feelings. Find them! Give them attention. Be aware of pleasure.
Rub baby oil into your breasts and into your neck and throat. Enjoy the feeling.
Gradually allow you hands to travel lower in your body. Caress your abdomen, and then use some more baby oil and touch yourself between your legs. There is no wrong or right way of doing this. Just let your instinct take over.
Slip your fingers into your vagina. Try tightening your muscles round your fingers. Then relax. Try gently stretching the vaginal opening - this is something that gives exquisite pleasure to many women.
Start circling the area where your clitoris is. Don't hurry this. As you become more focused on your genitals, you may well find that you start applying more and more pressure to your clitoris, and that your breathing is quickening, and - best of all - that you're really enjoying yourself.
Don't worry if you don't get any further than this on the first few occasions. So long as you feel that you are loving your body and appreciating it and experiencing some good sensations, then that's fine.
Don't forget that the most powerful part of a woman's arousal equipment is in her mind. So it can be helpful to introduce some mental stimulation into the exercise. Try thinking of things that turn you on. Or, while you're stimulating yourself, read from one of those erotic novels written for women. You might even like to try caressing yourself while viewing a sexy video - if you have a video recorder in your bedroom or somewhere else in the house where you can feel uninhibited and comfortable. One of Betty Dodson’s famous videos on assisting women to reach orgasm through masturbation may help.
You may like to use a vibrator - as many women find this increases their arousal quite magically. If you don't know where to get good books, videos or sex aids, see the Further information section.
Each time you start caressing your body, try to keep going for longer and to increase your delight in what you're finding out about yourself. Don't panic if you still sometimes have feelings that what you're doing is wrong. Just breathe deeply and tell yourself that it is every woman's right to love and enjoy her own body - and that masturbation is healthy and good and normal.
One day you will find that your caresses become more insistent and that you are breathing heavier and that you feel a desperate urge to carry on what you're doing. It's common to feel a bit frightened at the intensity of what's happening if you've never felt it before, but go with the feelings. You deserve to have them. If rubbing your clitoris alone doesn't quite get you to your climax, try putting one or two fingers of your other hand into your vagina. Or use a vibrator in your vagina or on your clitoris. Your instinct should take over and tell you what to do. Hopefully these powerful feelings will lead to your first orgasm. And once you've had one - you'll find you can have others - maybe even on the same day!Most women like to practise having orgasms a few times on their own before involving a partner, but once you do choose to try with the person you care for, make sure you incorporate what you've been doing into your love play. Show your partner what you like and let him or her help you to experience this great joy.