6 reasons men say no to sex

Why does he turn down sex?

When it comes to sex, men are ready to go at any time, right? Well, not always, says 29-year-old P.J., an online producer “It’s rare that I don’t want to have sex, but the times I will say no are when I’m thinking about something intensely and I can’t pull myself out of it,” he explains.

Not even a surprise birthday visit from his girlfriend wearing lingerie could pique his interest one time when he was deep in thought. “I was feeling pensive and I didn’t want to be outside of myself. And with sex, you want to connect with somebody,” he says.

It may be difficult to imagine that a healthy heterosexual man would turn down a woman wearing a thong. However, P.J. is far from alone in this situation, says sex therapist David McKenzie. “In the last two years, I’ve noticed more clients of mine than before are men lacking sexual desire and it’s the women who are initiating sex,” he says.


If your partner is turning down your advances there’s probably a good explanation for his lack of interest—and it likely has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Here are some common reasons why men say no, and what you can do to get him back to saying, “Yes!”

Here are six reasons your partner might be saying no to sex, and what you can do about them.


1. He’s suffering from depression

“Clinical depression is one of the biggest killers of sex drive in men,” says McKenzie. Men of all ages, even teenagers, may experience much lower sex drive when they’re struggling with this mood disorder.

What you can do: “Remember that clinical depression is a physical illness and not a character weakness,” says McKenzie. There are plenty of online resources available to help you and your partner better understand depression and how it can affect your relationship. The key here is patience, especially during treatment—while antidepressants are very effective in treating depression, they can also contribute to low sexual interest. Your partner may want to speak to a doctor, however, if he notices that treatment is severely interfering with his sex drive.

2. His testosterone levels are low

“When a man gets to be over 40, his testosterone levels begin to decrease,” says McKenzie. “If this happens mildly over time, then a man will gradually lose his sexual prowess. But sometimes males can lose testosterone very rapidly.” This condition is sometimes referred to as andropause and comes with symptoms that include loss of energy, depressive symptoms and low sex drive.

What you can do: Low testosterone is a physical condition that can be treated by a physician. If you suspect your partner is experiencing some of the symptoms associated with andropause, suggest he ask his doctor for a testosterone test to determine if low levels are to blame for his lack of desire.

3. He's got trouble with the plumbing

Though erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are common problems, says McKenzie, a man who experiences these difficulties may withdraw from his partner for fear that she’ll be disappointed or think that he’s less of a man.

“It’s hard on a man’s self esteem to not be able to perform in bed,” explains David, a 28-year-old musician. “Growing up, guys always talk about being a player and being able to perform well sexually. It’s part of guy culture.”

What you can do: This can be a difficult subject to discuss with your partner, but don’t avoid the issue, says McKenzie. A problem left untreated could result in resentment between partners down the road. Approach the situation very delicately, David advises. “Start by saying, ‘You know I love you no matter what,’” he suggests. “Don’t make a big deal out of it or make him feel like it will affect your interest in him as a partner if he can’t make it happen.”

4. He’s stressed out about his career

Worrying about work can be a real mood killer for many men, especially if they tend to equate professional success with self-worth. “It’s the times when I feel like I’m going nowhere and accomplishing nothing in my career that I will spiral into a negative place and I would say no to sex,” David explains.

What you can do: Discuss the situation away from the bedroom. “Right before bed isn’t always the best time to engage in a deep conversation,” says David. Instead, mutually decide on a good time to chat about what’s going on in his life. Ask if there’s anything you can do to support him through a stressful time, but be clear that his demanding job is taking a toll on your relationship.

5. He’s exhausted

Chances are, if your partner says he’s too tired for some late-night nookie, he’s really exhausted. “If I’m a little tired, I’m usually up for it,” says David. “But there are times when I’m just so dead to the world I’m physically incapable [of having sex].”

What you can do: Don’t take it personally. According to McKenzie, about 98 percent of the men he counsels would say that their lack of sexual interest has nothing to do with how they feel about their partners. P.J. concurs. “It would be a turn-off if my partner were to make the issue about her, because then I would feel guilty on top of being exhausted,” he says. Rather than acting hurt or angry, set the stage for a conversation about what’s going on in his life to make him so tired. But if the problem persists for more than six weeks, it’s time to consider getting help from a therapist or physician.

6. You’re moving too fast

If a new man you’re dating turns down an invitation to “come upstairs for a nightcap,” he could be trying to tell you that he’s not ready to sleep with you yet. “There’s a lot of emotional involvement that comes with having sex with somebody,” says P.J. “How do you get skin to skin with someone you don’t know?”

What you can do: Slow down—this could be a sign that the guy wants to get to know you better before getting physical. Take the declined invitation in stride and remember that, despite what your father might have told you before the prom, guys do have more than one thing on their minds. “We’re emotional beings too, and we want more than just sex,” says P.J.

SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION

Sponsored by: cildenafil citrate, viagra, cialis, provigra, prozac, tramadol, levitra, propecia

A rich sexual potential lies in every man and he has always the potential to develop this to its utmostcapacity. And this is true to every man no matterwhat his age or size is already. Afterall, what is of prime importance anyway to a man's libido and sexual performance is not so much on what lies on statistics or numbers but on how optimum is his state of health. This is what a man who is experiencing any sort of sexual dysfunction must bear in mind. A healthy lifestyle will always hold the greatest influence on any man’s sexual ability andpleasure. There are many issues a man is facing especially when it comes to achieving thefull potential of his sexual prowess. However, more often than not, hindrance of achieving this full potential can be easily resolved. In fact, talking abut sexual dysfunction, fears of sexual performanceare more often than not, the culprit. However these tooare very common and can usually be easily resolved, most especially when professional help is sought earlyin the discovery of the fears. This is often called sexual anxiety and sex therapists generally agree that the best approach to breaking the cycle of sexual performance anxiety is to talk about the fears or concerns with your partner, more than anybody else. This simple suggestion, though often difficult to put into action, can be the beginning of improved communication as well as better sexual functioning. However, if the problem persists, seeking the help of a qualified therapist would be highly recommended. Beyond what is psychological, since sex is primarily a physical activity, it is also important to pay heed to your vehicle of pleasure - your body. We sometimes take it for granted, but if you’re looking for a great sex life, taking it out in your body. Like for instance, the lack of exercise does gravely affect your sex life since exercise helps you by reducing your tension, depression and even anxiety. This can also increase your self esteem, your capacity for joy, aerobic capacity, mental acuity, energy, positivity and ultimately, your libido. Needless to say, when you feel generally better then you’re also in a better condition to think and make great sex. Science shows that even a short aerobic workout can increase your mood towards love making and will increase your capability for more intense orgasms. Studies even show that most men are completely out of clue as to just how closely intertwine regular exercise is to their sexual performance. One new study, in fact, surveyed 78 sedentary men during an entire span of nine months of regular exercise and the results showed that every man all have reported significantly enhanced sexuality. This also includes increased frequency, performance and satisfaction of love making, thus, rising sexuality is always correlated with the degree of how healthy and physically fit you are! Of course, to add up to the exercise, it is also of great importance that you learn to feed your biggest and most significant sexual organ - your brain. Together with your complete brain food, packed with the most needed nutrients, you will then be on your way to a spicier sex life. Some of the most recommended vitamins and nutrients to improve your sexual pleasure include a complete set of B-Complex Vitamins. The B-complex vitamins is composed of B-1 (thiamin), B-2 (riboflavin) and B-3 (niacin), which you need for that healthy sex drive you had always been dreaming of. Vitamin B-1 can be found in grains, asparagus and raw nuts while Vitamin B-2 can be found in asparagus, bananas, broccoli and other lean meats. Vitamin B-3 contributes much to your sex drive because it dilate your blood vessels which creates a better blood flow as well as play an important role to your sex hormones. Progressing to the rest of the vitamins, Vitamin C can keep your sex glands running smoothly while the antioxidants can protect your sexual organs. The Vitamin E meanwhile can aid your sex hormone production as well as improve your circulation and can be found in whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables. Some other valuable nutrients for sex would include Biotin, Folic Acid, Selenium, Zinc and more. In addition, you should be friendly to sea foods for it can provide you the needed fatty acids that protect your heart and improve your circulation. And when it comes to sex and our sex organs, a better circulation will definitely give you a better erection. Sometimes, sexual dysfunction can be easily prevented so that you don’t have top spend countless of resources for its cure. For this, it is important that you learn how to maintain your penile health. A few of the sound suggestions to keep your penis in tip top condition is by refraining from tight trousers and tight underwear, synthetic material and heat. The constriction from tight clothes including underwear, along with too much heat can affect fertility so you’d better keep those family jewels cool. Afterall, the testes where designed to be a little away from the body, dangling down, so as to be kept cool. The scrotum area must in fact be kept 4 degrees lower than the rest of the body temperature. In line with this, also refrain from too much hot tubs for they have been shown to lower your sperm counts. If you really want it hot, as a prelude to a steaming session of sex, a hot shower is a better option instead. Speaking of which, though you might think that a glass of your favorite brandy can speed up your spirits for a wild night, slow down on the alcohol. This exciting liquid that is so hard for men to resist can cause serious damage to your precious sperms. Other than this, you must also avoid smoking for smokers are half as fertile as those who are non smokers. Also, there are quite a number of drugs that can also affect your fertility, with the likes of steroids, cytotoxic drugs and opiates. Refer to your trusted doctor about this.

Sponsored by: cildenafil citrate, viagra, cialis, provigra, prozac, tramadol, levitra, propecia

Definition - erectile dysfunction

Sponsored by: cildenafil citrate, viagra, cialis, provigra, prozac, tramadol, levitra, propecia

Definition
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the inability of a man to maintain a firm erection long enough to have sex. Although erectile dysfunction is more common in older men, this common problem can occur at any age. Having trouble maintaining an erection from time to time isn't necessarily a cause for concern. But if the problem is ongoing, it can cause stress and relationship problems and affect self-esteem.
Formerly called impotence, erectile dysfunction was once a taboo subject. It was considered a psychological issue or a natural consequence of growing older. These attitudes have changed in recent years. It's now known that erectile dysfunction is more often caused by physical problems than by psychological ones, and that many men have normal erections into their 80s.
Although it can be embarrassing to talk with your doctor about sexual issues, seeking help for erectile dysfunction can be worth the effort. Erectile dysfunction treatments ranging from medications to surgery can help restore sexual function for most men. Sometimes erectile dysfunction is caused by an underlying condition such as heart disease. So it's important to take erectile trouble seriously because it can be a sign of a more serious health problem

Symptoms

Erectile dysfunction is the inability to maintain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse at least 25 percent of the time.
An occasional inability to maintain an erection happens to most men and is normal. But ongoing erection problems are a sign of erectile dysfunction and should be evaluated. In some cases, erectile dysfunction is the first sign of another underlying health condition that needs treatment.

Causes

Causes


Male sexual arousal is a complex process involving the brain, hormones, emotions, nerves, muscles and blood vessels. If something affects any of these systems — or the delicate balance among them — erectile dysfunction can result.
Anatomy of an erection The penis contains two cylindrical, sponge-like structures (corpus cavernosum) that run along its length, parallel to the tube that carries semen and urine (urethra).
When a man becomes sexually aroused, nerve impulses cause the blood flow to the cylinders to increase several times the normal amount. This sudden influx of blood expands the sponge-like structures and produces an erection by straightening and stiffening the penis.
Continued sexual arousal maintains the higher rate of blood flow into the penis and limits the blood flow out of the penis, keeping the penis firm. After ejaculation or when the sexual excitement passes, the excess blood drains out of the spongy tissue, and the penis returns to its nonerect size and shape.
Physical causes of erectile dysfunction At one time, doctors thought erectile dysfunction was primarily caused by psychological issues. But this isn't true. While thoughts and emotions always play a role in getting an erection, erectile dysfunction is usually caused by something physical, such as a chronic health problem or the side effects of a medication. Sometimes a combination of things causes erectile dysfunction.
Common causes of erectile dysfunction include:
Heart disease
Clogged blood vessels (atherosclerosis)
High blood pressure
Diabetes
Obesity
Metabolic syndrome
Other causes of erectile dysfunction include:
Certain prescription medications
Tobacco use
Alcoholism and other forms of drug abuse
Treatments for prostate cancer
Parkinson's disease
Multiple sclerosis
Hormonal disorders such as low testosterone (hypogonadism)
Peyronie's disease
Surgeries or injuries that affect the pelvic area or spinal cord
In some cases, erectile dysfunction is one of the first signs of an underlying medical problem.
Psychological causes of erectile dysfunction The brain plays a key role in triggering the series of physical events that cause an erection, beginning with feelings of sexual excitement. A number of things can interfere with sexual feelings and lead to — or worsen — erectile dysfunction. These can include:
Depression
Anxiety
Stress
Fatigue
Poor communication or conflict with your partner
The physical and psychological causes of erectile dysfunction interact. For instance, a minor physical problem that slows sexual response may cause anxiety about maintaining an erection. The resulting anxiety can worsen erectile dysfunction.

Risk factors - erectile dysfunction

A variety of risk factors can contribute to erectile dysfunction. They include:
Getting older. As many as 80 percent of men 75 and older have erectile dysfunction. Many men begin to notice changes in sexual function as they get older. Erections may take longer to develop, may not be as rigid or may take more direct touch to the penis to occur. But erectile dysfunction isn't an inevitable consequence of normal aging. Erectile dysfunction often occurs in older men mainly because they're more likely to have underlying health conditions or take medications that interfere with erectile function.
Having a chronic health condition. Diseases of the lungs, liver, kidneys, heart, nerves, arteries or veins can lead to erectile dysfunction. So can endocrine system disorders, particularly diabetes. The accumulation of deposits (plaques) in your arteries (atherosclerosis) also can prevent adequate blood from entering your penis. And in some men, erectile dysfunction may be caused by low levels of testosterone (male hypogonadism).
Taking certain medications. A wide range of drugs — including antidepressants, antihistamines and medications to treat high blood pressure, pain and prostate cancer — can cause erectile dysfunction by interfering with nerve impulses or blood flow to the penis. Tranquilizers and sleeping aids also can pose a problem.
Certain surgeries or injuries. Damage to the nerves that control erections can cause erectile dysfunction. This damage can occur if you injure your pelvic area or spinal cord. Surgery to treat bladder, rectal or prostate cancer can increase your risk of erectile dysfunction.
Substance abuse. Chronic use of alcohol, marijuana or other drugs often causes erectile dysfunction and decreased sexual drive.
Stress, anxiety or depression. Other psychological conditions also contribute to some cases of erectile dysfunction.
Smoking. Smoking can cause erectile dysfunction because it restricts blood flow to veins and arteries. Men who smoke cigarettes are much more likely to develop erectile dysfunction.
Obesity. Men who are obese are much more likely to have erectile dysfunction than are men at a normal weight.
Metabolic syndrome. This syndrome is characterized by belly fat, unhealthy cholesterol and triglyceride levels, high blood pressure, and insulin resistance.
Prolonged bicycling. Over an extended period, pressure from a bicycle seat has been shown to compress nerves and blood flow to the penis, leading to temporary erectile dysfunction and penile numbness.

Treatments and drugs - erectile dysfunction

A variety of options exist for treating erectile dysfunction. They range from medications and simple mechanical devices to surgery and psychological counseling. The cause and severity of your condition are important factors in determining the best treatment or combination of treatments for you.
Cost You and your partner may want to talk with your doctor about how much money you're willing to spend and your preferences. Treatment for erectile dysfunction can be costly and insurance coverage varies. Because erectile dysfunction can by a sign of a number of underlying health conditions, initial evaluation of the problem is covered by most insurance policies. Medications or other treatments for erectile dysfunction may or may not be covered by your policy — check with your insurance provider to find out. Many policies have a limit on how many pills or injections are covered per month. Standard Medicare prescription drug coverage doesn't cover medications for erectile dysfunction.
Oral medications Oral medications available to treat ED include:
Sildenafil (Viagra)
Tadalafil (Cialis)
Vardenafil (Levitra)
All three medications work in much the same way. Chemically known as phosphodiesterase inhibitors, these drugs enhance the effects of nitric oxide, a chemical that relaxes muscles in the penis. This increases the amount of blood flow and allows a natural sequence to occur — an erection in response to sexual stimulation.
These medications don't automatically produce an erection. Instead they allow an erection to occur after physical and psychological stimulation. Many men experience improvement in erectile function after taking these medications regardless of the cause of their impotence.
These medications share many similarities, but they have differences as well. They vary in dosage, duration of effectiveness and possible side effects. Other distinctions — for example, which drug is best for certain types of men — aren't yet known. No study has directly compared these three medications.
Not all men benefit Although these medications can help many people, not all men can or should take them to treat erectile dysfunction. You should not take these medications if:
You take nitrate drugs for angina, such as nitroglycerin (Nitro-Bid, others), isosorbide mononitrate (Imdur) and isosorbide dinitrate (Isordil)
You take a blood-thinning (anticoagulant) medication
You take certain types of alpha blockers for enlarged prostate (benign prostatic hyperplasia) or high blood pressure
Viagra, Levitra or Cialis may not be a good choice for you if:
You have severe heart disease or heart failure
You've had a stroke
You have very low blood pressure (hypotension)
You have uncontrolled high blood pressure (hypertension)
You have uncontrolled diabetes
Don't expect these medications to fix your erectile dysfunction immediately.
Work with your doctor to find the right treatment and dose for you. Dosages may need adjusting. Or you may need to alter when you take the medication.
Before taking any medication — including Viagra, Levitra or Cialis — make sure to discuss with your doctor:
Potential benefits and side effects of the medication you are considering
Any illnesses or serious health problems you have now or have had in the past
Any prescription or over-the-counter medications you take (including herbal remedies)
Prostaglandin E (alprostadil) Two treatments involve using a drug called alprostadil. Alprostadil is a synthetic version of the hormone prostaglandin E. The hormone helps relax muscle tissue in the penis, which enhances the blood flow needed for an erection. There are two ways to use alprostadil:
Needle-injection therapy. With this method, you use a fine needle to inject alprostadil (Caverject, Edex) into the base or side of your penis. This generally produces an erection in five to 20 minutes that lasts about an hour. Because the injection goes directly into the spongy cylinders that fill with blood, alprostadil is an effective treatment for many men. And because the needle used is so fine, pain from the injection site is usually minor. Other side effects may include bleeding from the injection, prolonged erection and formation of fibrous tissue at the injection site. The cost per injection can be expensive. Injecting a mixture of alprostadil and other prescribed drugs may be a less expensive and more effective option. These other drugs may include papaverine and phentolamine.
Self-administered intraurethral therapy (Muse). This treatment involves using a disposable applicator to insert a tiny alprostadil suppository, about half the size of a grain of rice, into the tip of your penis. The suppository, placed about two inches into your urethra, is absorbed by erectile tissue in your penis, increasing the blood flow that causes an erection. Although needles aren't involved, you may still find this method painful or uncomfortable. Side effects may include pain, minor bleeding in the urethra, dizziness and formation of fibrous tissue.
Hormone replacement therapy For the small number of men who have testosterone deficiency, testosterone replacement therapy may be an option.
Penis pumps This treatment involves the use of a hollow tube with a hand-powered or battery-powered pump. The tube is placed over the penis, and then the pump is used to suck out the air. This creates a vacuum that pulls blood into the penis. Once you achieve an adequate erection, you slip a tension ring around the base of your penis to maintain the erection. You then remove the vacuum device. The erection typically lasts long enough for a couple to have sex. You remove the tension ring after intercourse.
Vascular surgery This treatment is usually reserved for men whose blood flow has been blocked by an injury to the penis or pelvic area. Surgery may also be used to correct erectile dysfunction caused by vascular blockages. The goal of this treatment is to correct a blockage of blood flow to the penis so that erections can occur naturally. But the long-term success of this surgery is unclear.
Penile implants This treatment involves surgically placing a device into the two sides of the penis, allowing erection to occur as often and for as long as desired. The inflatable device allows you to control when and how long you have an erection, the semirigid rods keep the penis in a rigid state all the time. These implants consist of either an inflatable device or semirigid rods made from silicone or polyurethane. This treatment is often expensive and is usually not recommended until other methods have been considered or tried first. As with any surgery, there is a small risk of complications such as infection.
Psychological counseling and sex therapy If stress, anxiety or depression is the cause of your erectile dysfunction, your doctor may suggest that you, or you and your partner, visit a psychologist or counselor with experience in treating sexual problems (sex therapist). Even if it is caused by something physical, erectile dysfunction can create stress and relationship tension. Counseling can help, especially when your partner participates.

Prevention - erectile dysfunction

Although most men experience episodes of erectile dysfunction from time to time, you can take these steps to decrease the likelihood of occurrences:
Work with your doctor to manage conditions that can lead to erectile dysfunction, such as diabetes and heart disease.
Limit or avoid the use of alcohol.
Avoid illegal drugs such as marijuana.
Stop smoking.
Exercise regularly.
Reduce stress.
Get enough sleep.
Get help for anxiety or depression.
See your doctor for regular checkups and medical screening tests.

Coping and support - erectile dysfunction

Whether the cause is physical factors or psychological factors or a combination of both, erectile dysfunction can become a source of mental and emotional stress for a man — and his partner. If you experience erectile dysfunction only on occasion, try not to assume that you have a permanent problem or to expect it to happen again during your next sexual encounter. Don't view one episode of erectile dysfunction as a lasting comment on your health, virility or masculinity.
In addition, if you experience occasional or persistent erectile dysfunction, remember your sexual partner. Your partner may see your inability to have an erection as a sign of diminished sexual desire. Your reassurance that this is not the case can help.
Try to communicate openly and honestly about your condition. Treatment is often more successful if couples work together as a team. You may even want to see a counselor with your partner. This can help you address concerns you both have about erectile dysfunction and can be an effective treatment.

Alternative medicine - erectile dysfunction

Several alternative treatments are being investigated for potential to alleviate erectile dysfunction, but their safety and effectiveness are not proved. They include:
Acupuncture
DHEA, a hormone that's a building block for testosterone
Ginkgo
L-arginine
Like mainstream medications and treatments, these alternative approaches also have risks and side effects — especially for men who have chronic health problems or take other medications.
Some alternative products that claim to work for erectile dysfunction can be dangerous. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued warnings about several "herbal Viagras" including True Man, Energy Max, Rhino Max, Rhino VMax and Libidus. These contain potentially harmful drugs that aren't listed on the label. These drugs can interact with prescription drugs and cause dangerously low blood pressure. These products are especially dangerous for men who take prescription drugs that contain nitrates.