Things you would like to say at a yard sale.

Here are a few thing to say when you get those question from the informed buyer. You can copy them for your next sale. They really give you a sale to remember. It also helps to keep the consumer informed.


* Does it work? And is a dollar the best you can do?

I can check it for you but there will be a 5.00 service charge. Does 5.50 sound reasonable?

* Does it come in a different color?

Why yes, I was at the mall the other day and saw it in red.

* This has a chip.

Let me see. You are right. How observant.

* You have these sales all the time?

No, I actually work for a living. This is just my hobby.

* If I buy both of these 10.00 items will you take 5.00?

Excuse me a moment while I laugh out loud. That is better. What was your question again?

* They are the wrong color.

I am sorry but I have a problem with prejudice people. Try to keep an open mind.

* You only have two of those.

Wow, you are well educated and can do math. I never was very good at math.

* It smells a little musty.

That is ok, I am sure if you don't stand too close to others they will not notice. I barely smelled you at all.


* How much is it worth?

More than you are willing to pay. I like you so I am giving you a real deal.

* Are you having a yard sale?

No, I am just airing out the house.

* Do you have anything in my size?

Let me grab the tape measure. Would you like it tailored also?

* These shoes are a little tight.

Are you sure it's the shoes?

* Do you live here?

Only if you want to call this living.

* Is that your cat?

No, it's a stray I intend to have for this evenings dinner. It has been a while since we could afford meat.

* Do you have anything I want?


Yes, but your wife would not approve. As for my husband, he is the kinky type. Do you swing both ways?

* Can I go inside and look around?

Not unless you have a gun pointed at me.

* I have been waiting for 5 minutes.

Oh I am sorry. I have been waiting for 60 years. Let me know if I can help.

* Will this fit me?

Are you a 3 or 6? No, I was not referring to your age.

* Do you have any scrap gold.

I don't have one scrap of gold. I would sell it but like the jewelry it is in hock right now. Looks like we will lose it too. Just last week we had to sell the neighbors kid.

* How old is this.

Lets see it was bought in 1923, that would make it older than me.

* You should paint that.

What color would you like? A blush pink is really in this year.

* Will it polish and look new?

Yes, just put a little hot sauce on it and it will shine brand new.

* Will the stain come out?

I am not sure but if you come back Monday I will have it back from the laundry.

* Do you have any more jewelry?

Yes, but it is in hock. That is why I am having this sale, we have hocked everything of value and need to pay the rent. The car is acting up and I hope we can have oatmeal next week.

* Why is this 10.00?

Is there a real reason for your being here?


* Will you clean this for me if I buy it?

Gladly. That will be 1.00 for the item and 10.00 for the cleaning. Pay the cashier and it will be ready Monday around 5.

* What does this part do?

Not much. Usually just lays around and collects dust.

* Will you hold my baby?

I am sorry I am not allowed around children. As a matter of fact you are breaking my parole by being here.

* "I can do nothing with my child", as the sweet darling drags down and stomps on every good piece on table while the loving parent watches.

Did you see the lady who just left? There was a reason for her leaving in such a hurry. I am sorry but times have been hard and I have been out of my medication for a few days now.

* Will this fit my bed?

I don't know but if you set up an appointment I will be right over and measure it for you. Do you have a cute husband? What time will he be home?

* This has a scratch.

Would you please not handle the items if you are going to damage them. You scratch it you buy it.

* This has a dent.

Yes, I hate to get rid of it. It really holds some precious memories. It was the piece with which I protected myself, when my husband came home drunk. God rest his soul.

* This is not priced is it free?

Why yes. I etched your name on the bottom just before you arrived. I will put it in my will for you.

* But you said it was 2.00 dollars.

I am sorry but I believe you have me confused with the sale down the street. Vitamin B-12 is real good help with memory loss.

* Will you hold this till I get paid?

Not unless it is in 2 minutes. I suffer from muscle loss and go into severe spasms.